Do you like raw Charles Bukowski sober-esque writing, the mentality behind Tiger Woods sex addiction, and books that might give you a reason to masturbate and cry as you spluge into your hand? Well then welcome to the club and I suggest reading The Average American Marriage, by Chad Kultgen.

Kultgen’s A.A.M. is a foaming-at-the-mouth novel, void of chivalry, intimate coition, and politeness.

Stuck in a stagnate marriage, with two kids, Kultgen’s main character drops marriage into a pit of painful, witty, and laugh out-loud sardonic truth. The depravity portrayed in this mid-life sexual jaunt screams fuck, pussy, asshole, cum, finger, eat, smell, married, children, and not my wife all on the same page. I’m not even entirely sure there is a comma.

The worst part is it reeks of clever cutting honesty of a man trapped somewhere in the Erogenous Zone of Freud’s theory of psychosexual development. Still, I can only think of Kultgen as the horniest writer ever with a well laid out nihilistic point of view…life sucks and getting old sucks more, especially if you don’t see it coming.

Kultgen, rather elegantly, leaves you with a choice. At the end of the day, you can wake up next to your immature office intern who developed her sense of sexual bravado under the auspices of her generation’s booming porn industry or to your horrible job, your annoying kids, and your wife whose ass looks like she has been sitting on hot gravel for an hour.

I only wish I would have read Kultgen’s other books first. The good news, I’m not married and I have time to think about some shit. Some…honest…Kultgen…shit.

Okay, I have thought about it. I am taking gravel butt and hopefully she is taking my donkey balls. I do hope to see Kultgen writing Women and Notes of a Dirty Old Man ‘part II’, neither of which I would be surprised to find myself reading as I swill down a beer and contemplate my life choices.

P.S. I heard Ayn Rand was a sexual man-eater, can this be confirmed?